受了创伤的心灵, 几时才能平复下来.
坚强的躯壳里, 其实隐藏着不惟人知的故事.
很想找个人倾诉.
一个真正能够信赖的人.
当我感到疲累或失意时, 能够借个肩膀依靠.
就算把真相说出, 他也不会嘲笑.
这个愿望何时才能实现?
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
updates again.
14/3 : meetup wif emily, angel & peggy at vivocity. had dinner and some late night chatting.
16/3 : had law paper in the morning which i think i pretty much screwed up. lack of preparation. was barely able to concentrate. haiz..
16/3 : had law paper in the morning which i think i pretty much screwed up. lack of preparation. was barely able to concentrate. haiz..
Monday, March 16, 2009
爱
你还记得吗
记忆的炎夏
散落在风中的已蒸发
喧哗的都已沙哑
没结果的花未完成的牵挂
我们学会许多说法
来掩饰不碰的伤疤
因为我会想起你
我害怕面对自己
我的意志总被寂寞吞食
因为你总会提醒
过去总不会过去
有种真爱不是我的
假如我不曾爱你
我不会失去自己
想念的刺钉住我的位置
因为你总会提醒
尽管我得到世界
有些幸福不是我的
你还记得吗记忆的炎夏
我终于没选择的分岔
最后又有谁到达
记忆的炎夏
散落在风中的已蒸发
喧哗的都已沙哑
没结果的花未完成的牵挂
我们学会许多说法
来掩饰不碰的伤疤
因为我会想起你
我害怕面对自己
我的意志总被寂寞吞食
因为你总会提醒
过去总不会过去
有种真爱不是我的
假如我不曾爱你
我不会失去自己
想念的刺钉住我的位置
因为你总会提醒
尽管我得到世界
有些幸福不是我的
你还记得吗记忆的炎夏
我终于没选择的分岔
最后又有谁到达
Thursday, March 12, 2009
puppy love.
just came back from watching the movie "marley & me" with xuan & mel. just as we had expected, it was a sobbing movie and we went prepared with tissues. halfway thru, i was in rather urgent need for the toilet, but was reluctant to go cos i didn wanna miss even a minute of the show. turned out dat xuan felt the same thing. there's a very much coincidence with regards to the movie. we are all dog lovers. we have got dogs at home that are all around the same age. the 3 of us have read the book dat came out 3 years ago and we all bought the same book without telling one another.
watching the movie brings back much fond memories. it just reminds me how things were when we first got bobbie. after rounds of much pestering, we finally convinced our parents to get a dog. i was in sec 1 when we bought him. it was just a random day after school when mummy suddenly brought us to the pet shop. it was love at first sight. without much consideration, we knew he was the one dat we wanna get. then came all the times when we had to house-train him. endless sessions of poo picking & pee wiping, which in between there were a few times where i slipped and fell upon stepping on his urine.
just like the kids in the show, i missed him when i was in school. i'm always the one who would dash home right after school just to play with him. den everyday in the evening, i would bring him to our house nearby park for a gathering with my friends and his doggy buddies. it was a daily happening event. we would have running competitions, hide and seeks and lots of lame games. den there was once bobbie chased after a rabbit. and he got hold of the rabbit in his teeth. poor rabbit was screaming in its ultra high pitch voice. we were all chasing him in circles. the rabbit, followed by bobbie, den followed by all the kids. i ended up saying sorry a thousand times to the rabbit's owner..
den there were times when bobbie went missing. 3 times to be exact. the most vivid one happened on a sunday morning. as playful as he was, he had slipped out of the house after my grandma left the door open. we were all awakened by the news dat bobbie was missing. den the whole family went round the estate to search for him. i was walking round the whole place in my pyjamas anyway. found him 2 hrs later. one of our neighbours actually saw him playing with other dogs at one of the playgrounds. it was a really terrible fright. my dad said we would have lost him if we didn manage to find him den as we were abt to shift house.
so many years have passed since then. true indeed, a dog is a man's best friend. they will always be there for us in the ups and downs of life. providing unconditional love. giving without expecting anything in return. bringing endless joy and laughter to our lives. always there to greet us at the door.
come to think of it, i realize i have somehow been neglecting bobbie in the past few months. guessed i am so wrapped up in those silly problems of mine dat i have neglected so many things.
anyway, i've been feeling emo again todae.
just wanna add a note here.
to the world out there: thank you everyone for ur kind concern. i understand where u guys are coming from. i'm trying hard to get back on my feet again and its not easy. things are definitely not helping with me becoming the talk of the town again. i do agree dat everyone has their freedom of speech, but i would kindly appreciate if everyone can cool it. i need my personal space. i dun mean to sound rude over here but this is just something true from my heart.
watching the movie brings back much fond memories. it just reminds me how things were when we first got bobbie. after rounds of much pestering, we finally convinced our parents to get a dog. i was in sec 1 when we bought him. it was just a random day after school when mummy suddenly brought us to the pet shop. it was love at first sight. without much consideration, we knew he was the one dat we wanna get. then came all the times when we had to house-train him. endless sessions of poo picking & pee wiping, which in between there were a few times where i slipped and fell upon stepping on his urine.
just like the kids in the show, i missed him when i was in school. i'm always the one who would dash home right after school just to play with him. den everyday in the evening, i would bring him to our house nearby park for a gathering with my friends and his doggy buddies. it was a daily happening event. we would have running competitions, hide and seeks and lots of lame games. den there was once bobbie chased after a rabbit. and he got hold of the rabbit in his teeth. poor rabbit was screaming in its ultra high pitch voice. we were all chasing him in circles. the rabbit, followed by bobbie, den followed by all the kids. i ended up saying sorry a thousand times to the rabbit's owner..
den there were times when bobbie went missing. 3 times to be exact. the most vivid one happened on a sunday morning. as playful as he was, he had slipped out of the house after my grandma left the door open. we were all awakened by the news dat bobbie was missing. den the whole family went round the estate to search for him. i was walking round the whole place in my pyjamas anyway. found him 2 hrs later. one of our neighbours actually saw him playing with other dogs at one of the playgrounds. it was a really terrible fright. my dad said we would have lost him if we didn manage to find him den as we were abt to shift house.
so many years have passed since then. true indeed, a dog is a man's best friend. they will always be there for us in the ups and downs of life. providing unconditional love. giving without expecting anything in return. bringing endless joy and laughter to our lives. always there to greet us at the door.
come to think of it, i realize i have somehow been neglecting bobbie in the past few months. guessed i am so wrapped up in those silly problems of mine dat i have neglected so many things.
anyway, i've been feeling emo again todae.
just wanna add a note here.
to the world out there: thank you everyone for ur kind concern. i understand where u guys are coming from. i'm trying hard to get back on my feet again and its not easy. things are definitely not helping with me becoming the talk of the town again. i do agree dat everyone has their freedom of speech, but i would kindly appreciate if everyone can cool it. i need my personal space. i dun mean to sound rude over here but this is just something true from my heart.
Monday, March 9, 2009
updates.
time for some past updates:
last week of feb:
attended a training which was targeted at developing a positive mindset. sad to say, its effect seems to be wearing off after a week. i'm trying to be optimistic, trying hard to remain positive. but i guess there are times when reality sets in, and i cant avoid feeling being undervalued. received some feedback about first impressions. one of them commented dat i look stuck up initially, but she came to realize later dat i absolutely wasn't. thank god. another comment dat i received took me by a greater surprise. the trainer actually said dat i look apprehensive. it seems like i don't trust people easily.
after a week of self-reflection, i realize it could have been true. just dat i didn't know i had it written on my face. all this while, i was afraid i would be building a wall around myself so strong dat it would somehow make me emotionless. but now i came to realize dat i have subconsciously guarded myself against trusting people too. i know i'm not being fair to the many others around me but i can only say dat this is something dat i can't help, esp with so much happenings in the past few months.
4/3-5/3:
spent my 2 off days nursing my bad bad flu. got so bad that it led to a backache. then attempted my psychology online exam. spent 3 hrs typing in my not-so-clear state of mind. wasn't fully prepared for the paper. hope i can pass it man.
6/3:
met mel in the evening for a late jacuzzi session. headed for desserts at serangoon gardens thereafter. nice desserts we had, prices were very reasonable too. it was on the way home when mel asked me something dat i had somehow avoided mentioning all this while. not dat i told her much about it in the end. i can only say dat she does indeed know me so well after so many many years of friendship.
7/3:
woke up at 1pm dat dae. supposed to report afternoon shift and was late for half n hr. only woke up when i heard dad talking on the phone. cant imagine what time would i wake up if i didn't hear dad's voice.
impromptu clubbing at dbl o dat nite wif mingxin. we went to clarke quay initially but it was very crowded everywhere. it was mambo at dbl o dat nite. nice music and i had fun. i felt like i haven't enjoyed myself for such a long time. we left there only at 4am. before heading home, we even had cup noodles at one of the back alleys. haha.
realized dat i had lost my atm card. blame myself for my carelessness. what matter wasn't the fact dat i lost my card but the fact that it was a card with sentimental value. my first atm card. its the old school grey posb card with my name imprinted on it. the card dat constantly accompanied me through out all these years. haiz.
8/3:
work morning shift and surprisingly i wasn't the least bit tired with 3 hrs of sleep the night before. met xuan n mel at bishan after work. dinner at manhattan fish mkt. it was just another one of our catching up sessions.
9/3:
yoga class in town. den headed to compass point after dat. wanted to go to the bank to get a replacement card. suddenly to my surprise, i found my old atm card in one of my wallet compartments. my eyes must have been playing tricks on me for the past 2 days. happy to find my card with sentimental value. hee. but nonetheless the card has already been deactivated. decided to walk back home from compass point. havent been doing dat for a long long time and the walk home gave me some time to think through my thoughts.
last week of feb:
attended a training which was targeted at developing a positive mindset. sad to say, its effect seems to be wearing off after a week. i'm trying to be optimistic, trying hard to remain positive. but i guess there are times when reality sets in, and i cant avoid feeling being undervalued. received some feedback about first impressions. one of them commented dat i look stuck up initially, but she came to realize later dat i absolutely wasn't. thank god. another comment dat i received took me by a greater surprise. the trainer actually said dat i look apprehensive. it seems like i don't trust people easily.
after a week of self-reflection, i realize it could have been true. just dat i didn't know i had it written on my face. all this while, i was afraid i would be building a wall around myself so strong dat it would somehow make me emotionless. but now i came to realize dat i have subconsciously guarded myself against trusting people too. i know i'm not being fair to the many others around me but i can only say dat this is something dat i can't help, esp with so much happenings in the past few months.
4/3-5/3:
spent my 2 off days nursing my bad bad flu. got so bad that it led to a backache. then attempted my psychology online exam. spent 3 hrs typing in my not-so-clear state of mind. wasn't fully prepared for the paper. hope i can pass it man.
6/3:
met mel in the evening for a late jacuzzi session. headed for desserts at serangoon gardens thereafter. nice desserts we had, prices were very reasonable too. it was on the way home when mel asked me something dat i had somehow avoided mentioning all this while. not dat i told her much about it in the end. i can only say dat she does indeed know me so well after so many many years of friendship.
7/3:
woke up at 1pm dat dae. supposed to report afternoon shift and was late for half n hr. only woke up when i heard dad talking on the phone. cant imagine what time would i wake up if i didn't hear dad's voice.
impromptu clubbing at dbl o dat nite wif mingxin. we went to clarke quay initially but it was very crowded everywhere. it was mambo at dbl o dat nite. nice music and i had fun. i felt like i haven't enjoyed myself for such a long time. we left there only at 4am. before heading home, we even had cup noodles at one of the back alleys. haha.
realized dat i had lost my atm card. blame myself for my carelessness. what matter wasn't the fact dat i lost my card but the fact that it was a card with sentimental value. my first atm card. its the old school grey posb card with my name imprinted on it. the card dat constantly accompanied me through out all these years. haiz.
8/3:
work morning shift and surprisingly i wasn't the least bit tired with 3 hrs of sleep the night before. met xuan n mel at bishan after work. dinner at manhattan fish mkt. it was just another one of our catching up sessions.
9/3:
yoga class in town. den headed to compass point after dat. wanted to go to the bank to get a replacement card. suddenly to my surprise, i found my old atm card in one of my wallet compartments. my eyes must have been playing tricks on me for the past 2 days. happy to find my card with sentimental value. hee. but nonetheless the card has already been deactivated. decided to walk back home from compass point. havent been doing dat for a long long time and the walk home gave me some time to think through my thoughts.
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