simple complexity

there has been a request from someone to update my blog regularly.. and there has been comments on how my posts always sounds sad..

but what updates can i have when life is so unhappening recently.. or how happy can my posts be when days spent have been black and sad..

been trying to bury myself in a frenzy of work, school and meetups with friends, in hoping to take my mind off certain issues that i don't wanna be reminded of.. but despite the effort to keep myself occupied all the time, i still can't get those stupid thoughts out of my mind. Especially when the very thought of it hits me every morning upon waking.. thy nightmare is not over..

ask me and i can tell u i don't know how to handle human relations anymore.. with all the endless sessions of mind games.. or with the ever continuing days of mutual avoidance.. the human brain is already a very complex organ.. and yet many things have been made even more complicated by human actions..

i don't want to let all these emotions get to me..
but somehow its affecting me really badly..
i can't seem to concentrate during classes..
i can't seem to concentrate at work..

and i don't want to slip into depression..

reorganisation

i think my life is badly in need of some reorganisation.. been neglecting school work ever since school started and i don't even know what have i been so busy with.. suddenly realize that my lecture notes are still bundled up in stacks, assignment deadlines are drawing near, i'm lapsing behind tutorials, class tests are coming and i have skipped 2 psychology classes.. urghh!!!! what's happening to me man!

some updates:
on a random sat night last month, had a meet up with emily n peggy n we headed down to kbox marina. nothing special abt the singing.. just dat we sang till ard 3 plus in e morning.. guess the most happening part of dat day's event was how we got home. was asked by emily's hubby to drive his car home as he drank till he was quite high at arena. so the 3 of us actually cabbed down from marina square to clarke quay just to get the car and in this case, a manual car. the last time i ever touched a manual car was the day where i passed my driving test, which was like 4 yrs back. haiz.. was quite apprehensive abt driving initially.. but somehow under their encouragement, i took up the challenge.

and omg, i felt like a complete failure as i try to get the car out of the carpark. almost forgot how to operate all those stupid gears. and i missed the turn to get onto cte and we ended up at mohamad sultan. goodness! dat was when the car stalled and i couldn't get the engine to start over again. was so damn scared dat i had caused damage to the car. then almost luckily, i managed to revive the engine again. drove extremely slowly as i tried to gain control of the car and was finally successful as we got onto cte. i managed to send peggy home at bedok.. and after dat it was cruising time for me n emily. it wasn't our intention at all. somehow we missed an exit on the PIE and we ended up driving thru KPE. anyway, it was my first time gg thru dat tunnel. the drive home after dat was rather smooth. helped to park the car at punggol den i took a cab home. reached home at 6 and mummy was alrdy up from bed. i managed to catch 2 hrs of sleep before going work.

the next day, i immediately checked with emily if there was anything wrong with the car. she said nothing was wrong just dat i used up quite alot of petrol cos i didn't change up to the 5th gear. haha.. best part was it didn't occur to me dat there was a 5th gear. haha..

its sad when you know its your heart you can't trust

I don't wanna lose you,
I don't wanna use you
Just to have somebody by my side
And i don't wanna hate you
I don't wanna take you
But i don't wanna be the one to cry
That don't really matter to anyone, anymore
But like a fool i keep losing my place
And i keep seeing you walk through that door

But there's a danger in loving somebody too much
And its sad when you know its your heart you can't trust
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are
Baby sometimes love just ain't enough

Now i could never change you
I don't wanna blame you
Baby you don't have to take the fall
Yes i may have hurt you
But i did not desert you
Maybe i just wanna have it all
It makes a sound like thunder
It makes me feel like rain
And like a fool who will never see the truth
I keep thinking something's gonna change

But there's a danger in loving somebody too much
And its sad when you know its your heart you can't trust
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are
Baby sometimes love just ain't enough

And there's no way home
When it's late at night and you're all alone
Are there things that you wanted to say
Do you feel me beside you in your bed
There beside you where i used to lay

And there's a danger in loving somebody too much
And it's sad when you know its your heart they can't touch.
There's a reason why people don't stay who they are
Cause baby sometimes love just ain't enough.
Baby sometimes love just ain't enough.

nonsensical

nothing in this world makes sense anymore.
not even people whom u trusted, not even people whom u were close to.
sometimes not even daddy nor mummy.
much less abt others.

i think i'm losing it.. sanity and rationality..
cos i can't tell the difference between truths and lies anymore..

maybe the one dats really not making sense is me.